Logging My Anxiety

Unfortunately, one of my budgies died yesterday, resulting in one left. So my poor little Quigley is all on his own in the aviary. He’s still happily singing away but as these are social birds, he won’t be enjoying it for long.

Right after I was told by my mum that the fireworks that night had most likely scared Isaac to death, I was of course devastated, but I knew I needed to get more for Quigley’s sake.

With this being the case, I began looking online for some budgie breeders local to my area. And within an hour, I found someone and sent them an email.

Now I am minutes away from leaving my house with my mum, to go and get these new additions to my budgie Kingdom.

Except, I’m terrified.

So I decided to log my anxiety in this current moment.

My feet are freezing. This is a symptom that is sticking out the most right now. My feet are just frozen. It almost feels like they’re going to get frozen solid, leaving me unable to move my toes or even walk.

I have this sickening feeling in my stomach. I kind of feel full. But full with anxiety. It’s just making me feel really sick.

My heart is beating hard and fast. As one of my common symptoms of anxiety, it still isn’t any easier to deal with. It links in with the sickening feeling in my stomach and the adrenalin. It’s all just bundling together to make me feel like I’m going to die.

My hands are shaking. And no doubt my knees will be too when I get there. I really hate it when they shake because it’s obvious I’m nervous. I don’t like people to think I’m scared. It’s embarrassing.

I’m chewing the inside of my mouth. I guess this is a nervous habit I have. I just pay the price later when my mouth is sore and bleeding.

I am now cold all over.

I am beginning to snap at my mum because I feel agitated.

But I have left now. And I haven’t run away. I am facing it.

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